Alright, let's get this straight. Bank of America, bless their little hearts, is having an "investor day" for the first time in fourteen freaking years? Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan to hold his first investor day since 2011 Are you kidding me? It took them this long to realize maybe, just maybe, they should talk to the people who own the damn company?
Moynihan's Marathon of Mediocrity
Brian Moynihan, the CEO, apparently needed a board prodding to finally roll this out. That's not leadership; that's being dragged kicking and screaming into basic competence. What was he doing all this time? Staring at the Boston harbor and dreaming of Fleet Boston glory days? I mean, the guy still runs the show from Boston, even though HQ is supposed to be in New York. It's like he's running a regional bank with a global balance sheet.
And this "responsible growth" soundbite they're pushing? Please. It's code for "we're too scared to actually take risks and make real money." They "misread interest rates" in 2021 and got burned on treasuries. That's not responsible; that's incompetent.
It's like they're trying to drive a racecar while never going over 40 mph. Sure, you won't crash, but you also won't win.
The Succession Circus
Oh, and the succession plan? Elevating three guys to compete for the throne? Sounds less like strategic planning and more like a reality TV show waiting to happen. Dean Athanasia, Alastair Borthwick, and Jim DeMare... may the best man win? Or, more likely, may the least offensive to Moynihan win.
DeMare's got the "inside track" because BofA suddenly "loves taking capital markets risk, albeit in a responsible manner." What does that even mean? It's like saying you're going to eat healthy cake.
The board is supposedly "CEO-friendly," which is code for "they're afraid to challenge him." It's a country club, not a corporate leadership team.
So, What's the Point?
What are we supposed to get from all this? A dog and pony show in Boston? A bunch of executives patting themselves on the back for "consistent growth" that lags behind their competitors?
I mean, let's be real, folks. BofA is the second-largest bank by assets, but they're an "also-ran" in almost every other metric. The stock price sucks, they miss out on big deals, and they're too risk-averse to capitalize on market volatility. Offcourse, BofA is also dealing with closing branches.
I wonder if they'll address the real issues? Or will it just be a carefully-scripted presentation designed to placate shareholders and keep Moynihan in power for another five years?